


Chopped: Morioh

by orphan_account



Category: Chopped (US), ジョジョの奇妙な冒険 | JoJo no Kimyou na Bouken | JoJo's Bizarre Adventure
Genre: Drugging, Jesus - Freeform, M/M, Murder, Piss, lowkey kinkshaming, straight up murder, why the hell did I write this
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-28
Updated: 2017-09-28
Packaged: 2019-01-06 14:20:53
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death, Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 588
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12213027
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: lo siento...........





	Chopped: Morioh

**Author's Note:**

> enjoy uwu

The appetizer round was about to begin. “Open your baskets.” said Tonio. 

Okuyasu gulped. Polnareff wiped sweat off his forehead. Joseph rubbed his hands together. Yukako just opened the gotdamb basket like a normal person.

Inside was… Squid ink ice cream, avocado paste, and communion wafers, blessed by Jesus himself.

“Ready? Set? GO!” shouted Lisa Lisa. Mikitaka turned into a timer and started counting down. But quietly, so it wasn't a distraction.

First, the camera panned to Okuyasu.

“I’m gonna mix it all together with some macaroni and cheese, and serve it on a lunch tray, just like at school! They’ll be sure to love a blast from the past. Except Mikitaka might not get it. Oops.”

Then, the camera switched to Polnareff.

“I’m  going to use the wafers as bread, the paste as mayo, and the ice cream as ham to make a wonderful sub sandwich!” he honhoned. Though when he put the paste on the wafer it cracked and crumbled and he thought he heard demons screaming. Oh well. RIP polnareff. 

After Pol, the camera zoomed in on Joseph’s .mediocre at best, juggling of two oranges. 

“I’m gonna make a fun non-alcoholic summer drink with fresh squeezed oranges! The wafers will add thickness and the avocado paste will give a much needed mellow to the intense flavors! I’m going to win this round for sure!”

Yukako smirked as the camera turned to her.

“I’m gonna put it all in a blender with some ice and everclear, and force them to eat it. I can’t wait to see the look on their faces!”

“I don’t think she has the right motives to be on this show.” Lisa Lisa whispered to Tonio. Tonio just shrugged in response, already bored and annoyed out of his mind by this. 

Just then, Okuyasu’s mac and cheese caught fire.

“Who invited Rohan? Asked Yukako

“SHIT SHIT SHIT WHAT DO I DO?”

“PEE ON IT!” screamed Mikitaka. He was doing his best.

“OK BRO”

“Isnt that for jellyfish stings?” Lisa Lisa asked.

“Burnt macaroni, jellyfish sting, same thing really.” Tonio said.

Okuyasu whipped out his disappointingly small penis and began to put out the fire. Once it was out, he served the macaroni up on the lunch tray and placed it on the counter.

“Right as rain! Ready, judges?”

“Sorry, Oku, I only drink one man’s pee and it isn’t yours.” Tonio flatly said. 

Okuyasu bust out crying and ran off set.

“BABE WHAT DID THEY DO TO YOU IN THERE?” Josuke could be heard screaming from the other room.

“Th-They didn’t d-drink my p-pee!!” Okuyasu sobbed into his bee eff’s squishy chest.

“Don’t worry, babe. I’ll drink your pee.”

“Really?”

“Of course! Anything for you!”

 

Anyway, back to our regularly scheduled programming.

Polnareff was saying something about not understanding how people show affection via peeing while finishing the last preparations of his unholy abomination, i mean, his dish.

Joseph was done, but accidentally drank all of his. Going back in the footage, you can see the drink was actually alcoholic.

Yukako had been finished for 15 minutes and hers had gotten warm. She forgot refrigerators existed.

Then Mikitaka screamed. Time was up.

Yukako and Polnareff put their dishes in front of the judges.

Tonio, Lisa Lisa, and Mikey Taco took a bite of the sub. Not bad, though it left you with the feeling that you needed to go to church. Then they sipped the drink… What the fuck? The room went black. She had drugged it and they died. 

The end.


End file.
